All the married ones, have a good laugh and all those eligible bachelors, beware, How fight starts b/t Husband & Wife

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a weighing scale.
And then the fight started...

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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...
So, I took her to a petrol bunk
And then the fight started...

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wife
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked my wife, 'Do you know him?'
'Yes,' She sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend.
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years
ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' I said to my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...

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A woman is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'And then the fight started..... .

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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Kingfisher for 500 rs.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for 300 rs.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream..
And then the fight started....

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I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....

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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed..
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first:
the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep the driveway.'
And then the fight started...

A well-known motivational speaker
gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my
life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife !"

The crowd was shocked!!!!!!!!



He followed up by saying, "That woman was my mother!"

The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well received.

About a week later, one of the top managers who had the training
decided to use that joke at his house. He tried to rehearse the joke in
his head. It was a bit foggy to him.

He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"

Naturally, his wife was shell shocked, murmuring.

After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second
half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't
remember who she was !"

As expected, he got thrashing of his life time....

Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste

Interviewer:
what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Which year?
Sardar: Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR

Manager asked sardar at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.

After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

One tourist from U.S.A. asked Sardar:
Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.

When sardar was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver
adjusted the mirror. Sardar shouted, "You are trying to see my
wife? Sit behind. I will drive.

Interviewer: Just imagine you are on the 3rd floor, it caught fire
and how will you escape?
Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!

Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.

Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new

Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar: ZEBRA
Teacher: How?
Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White

Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.

Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent.."
Sardar: "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"

Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...!!!

Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE

Balle…Balle….

Husband : suit bara sohna paya ay
wife : thx g
husband : lipstick bhi sohni lagai ay
wife : thx g
husband : Makeup vi sohna kitta ay
wife : thx g
husband : sohni fir vi nahi lagdi

sardar & sardarni in bus,
Sardarni: suno ji, peche wala mere kapron mein
hath daal raha hai,
Sardar: tu chinta mat kar, usey kiya pata ke
purse mere pass hai.
Wife: kaash main newspaper hoti din bhar tumhare
hathon me rehti
Hus: meri bhi yahi dua hai rab se issi bahane her din
nayi nayi to milti.

Wife mere iraday baray neek hain
aap 1000 mai ek hain
sardar: mera dimag bara taiz hai
pehlay ye bata baki 999 kon hai?

train mai ek husband apni wife say:
tujh say shadi kar k pachta raha hoon
dil karta hai tujhe kuttay k aagay daal doon
samnay wala passenger bola: bhao bhao.

Husband and Wife were fighting.
Husband says: tu sali kutti,
wife replies: tu sala kutta,
their child who was nearby said: “Main sala Puppy”.

Husband asked his newly married wife,
she had any boyfriend before marriage?
wife: silent
He said, main is khamoshi ko kiya samjhon?
wife replied: Kamine! ginay to do.

Man: Patni agar pati ko noukar samjhe to kaya karna chahiye.
Santa– ” Usae do chaar ghar aur pakad lene chahiye.”

wife to her husband: janu meri shirt utaro..
ab aisa karo mera trouser bhi utaro.
aur khabardar jo aaj k baad mere kapre pehne to.

Man : my wife is too good.
She can talk on any subject for hours.
Friend : Ahh!!! my wife is better,
She does not even need a subject to talk about.